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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807367">All I've Wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967'>MakennaSweets1967</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Not Oblivious (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Just Wants To Be Loved, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Nobody is Dead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:33:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24807367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We defeated god, saved you from the empty, got Jack back, and finally, we stopped. </p><p>-----------</p><p>It wasn’t until I watched you smile at that waitress the way you only ever smiled at me that I realized. I lost you, in fact, you were never really mine, to begin with.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CasDean, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All I've Wanted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, I'm back sue me. I have an obsession with Destiel.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We defeated god, saved you from the empty, got Jack back, and finally, we stopped. </p><p>Stopped hopping from case to case, stopped fighting. The apocalypses were over, thanks to Jack, there was only your everyday monsters now. </p><p>We could finally rest, Sam was happy with Eileen. Jack well he was still Jack, our son. You were here still by my side, no longer an angel but human the same as us. </p><p>But now I didn’t know what I wanted. I always had survived, fought, never really living. </p><p>Then I realized I love you, I think I had always known, I just never wanted to let myself embrace it knowing I could lose you. Everything I wanted was right in front of me. It was you and it had always been you. </p><p>Every time I tried to tell you I just couldn’t make out the words. Hell, I couldn’t even lean in just a bit and show you how much you meant to me. </p><p>It wasn’t until I watched you smile at that waitress the way you only ever smiled at me that I realized. I lost you, in fact, you were never really mine, to begin with. </p><p>How could you have been I am broken, a mess, a burden, something no one could love not in the way I love you. </p><p>It didn’t matter that we were both men. It didn’t matter that you were an angel of the lord. </p><p>Even without all that I would never be good enough for you, I was just Dean Winchester. A sad excuse for a human, destined to drink away my liver and drowned in a nightmare of my own making. </p><p>But when you smiled at her something inside me broke, shattering into a million little pieces all at once. </p><p>It was something worse than hell, than every nightmare I had ever known.</p><p> I couldn’t handle it so I ran, I ran out of that dinner. Behind baby I fell, the gravel digging into my knees. The pain of the rocks couldn't make a dent in the pain I felt inside, as my body racked with sobs. </p><p>I had lost you again, but this time you chose to leave. </p><p>I wanted to but I couldn’t watch Sam... and I couldn’t watch you be happy.</p><p> Not now, when your happiness was not with me. Not when I realized I could never rest, I could never have peace without you, I could never stop crying. </p><p>My body kept shaking even as the tears stopped, but I stopped myself, I need to be there for you, for Jack, and for my brother. So I stopped I pushed myself to my feet. </p><p>In and out, in and out, I breathed. </p><p>I looked back to the diner, but you were now frowning even with her still right there. You were looking around like you lost something like you lost your whole world. </p><p>I watched as you too ran from the diner frantic, worried, but you sighed when you saw baby. </p><p>I leaned against baby looking to the stars, while you approached. </p><p>“Dean are you okay,” you ask standing right in front of me a bit too close. But now close didn’t bother me. </p><p>“I’m alright Cas” but you see right through that lie, you could see the tear tracks still on my face. </p><p>“No, you’re not” you cup my face with your strong calloused hand looking me in the eyes with determination. </p><p>I squirm under your gaze “just go back inside you were happy”</p><p>“Until you left” you frown, never removing your hand, and somehow I find myself leaning into your touch unconsciously.  But you don’t seem to mind. </p><p>I realized you didn’t smile for her, you smile because I was happy because I was with you. </p><p>“Why” my voice cracked fresh tears spouting out, like a leaky faucet “I’m broken, there’s nothing good left inside me  Cas, it’s all rotten and twisted”</p><p>You grit your teeth, stepping closer, you place your other hand on my cheek “No Dean, you aren’t broken, of all my billions of years alive I have never met anyone as caring, loving, and as perfect as you. You are the best of humanity.”</p><p>Just like that those millions of tiny pieces fit back together. As if they were waiting for you to come along and rebuild me as you had once before. </p><p>“I love you Cas” I finally say as you wipe away my last tear. </p><p>“I know” you pull me in our lips meeting soft and warm, full of love, friendship, and time. It’s magic, it’s rest, it’s peace and heaven. </p><p>Something that leaves us soaring, weak in the knees, almost unwilling to break apart. </p><p>“I love you too Dean Winchester”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the read! Comment if you'd like to see anything from me or just what you thought. As always stay strong and keep fighting. <br/>    - Makenna Sweets</p></blockquote></div></div>
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